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Keep After Her for Money Owed & My Cell Phone Rang at a Funeral

Dear Thelma:

Recently I held an art showing at my house for a friend of mine who is an artist. We agreed that we would split the expenses. Fifty people attended the showing, it was a great success and my friend made a nice profit. It has been three months and I have not even received a thank you, let alone reimbursement for expenses. I have emailed her and left a message mentioning my desire to "close the books" on the event and again have received no response. Should I just leave it alone?

Answer:

From a manners standpoint, the artist’s actions are wrong. Any agreement made, especially involving money, should be honored and at the very least discussed if there is a problem in holding up one end of the deal.

But the key word I find in your question is “friend.” If you are close enough friends to have done this for her, then there’s a connection between you that should allow you talk openly with each other.

You are absolutely correct in saying point blank, “This is what is owed.” As a friend, I expect you will be willing to listen to her and work something out if there is a problem.

Perhaps your next message to her should be, “I haven’t heard from you since the show. Are you OK?” Approaching her that way may open the door to discussion.

Dear Thelma:

My cell phone rang at a funeral. What should I do? Send a formal apology?

Answer:

First things first. Make it a habit that anytime you go into any large public gathering or a gathering with an expectation of reverence attached, turn off all noise making devices -- cell phones, pagers and even watch alarms. If you are someone who is officially “on call,” set your phone or pager to vibrate mode.

Secondly, learn your phone. Know how to instantly stop it from ringing and send the call straight to voice mail. And finally, keep the phone accessible, not at the bottom of your handbag.

If you turned the phone off immediately, people will assume you simply forgot to turn it off and will forgive. If you let it ring and took the call, or even left to take the call, then you should send a note of apology to the family of the person who died.

In uncomfortable situations, good manners never go out of style.