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Wedding and Shower Gifts

Dear Thelma:

I took a bridal/wedding gift to the shower. Do I need to bring a gift to the wedding?

Answer:

While gift-giving is never mandatory, weddings are one of those times when gifts are customary – even if you have already given a shower gift. Generally and especially if it’s a question of budget, shower gifts can be less costly and less elaborate. For the wedding you can focus on a long-lasting gift for a new couple setting up their first home.

If you’ve already given a substantial gift at the shower, think about something more personal or creative you can share with the couple for a wedding gift – a book, a CD or a special photo album. The point of your gift is to let them know you share in their happiness and wish them well for the future.

Addressing Envelopes to Couples

Dear Thelma:

When is it correct to address an envelope to a couple with Mrs. first and then Mr.?

Answer:

I don’t see any time when you would address an envelope Mrs. and Mr. When sending correspondence, Mr. and Mrs. is the traditional and most natural way to address it.

When a woman outranks her husband, her title and name are listed first on an envelope: The Honorable Sara Cline and Mr. Robert Cline or Major Anna Garcia and Lieutenant Dan Garcia.

If it is informal correspondence you’re sending and you are not going to use courtesy titles, it’s fine to list the woman’s name first: Jessica and Carl Rogers.

Oval and Round Soup Spoons

Dear Thelma:

What is the difference between round and oval soup spoons? Is there a difference in their lengths?

Answer:

In 21st century America both the round and oval spoons are used for soup. However, traditionally and currently in many other countries the oval spoon is used as a fruit and dessert spoon.

Based on the traditional use of the round spoon for soup, we’ve learned and taught that it’s proper to eat soup by sipping it from the side of the spoon. But when we try to transition that teaching to an oval spoon, the task becomes difficult. Because of the oval shape, it’s more difficult to sip the soup delicately from the side.

Rather than slurping or spilling while trying to use the oval spoon like a round one, I recommend taking the soup from the tip of an oval spoon instead of from the side.

As far as spoon lengths are concerned, that’s up to the designer. Silverware design is a lot like fashion, it can change with the seasons.

Designs change; good manners never go out of style.

Have a question about etiquette? Ask it at www.askthelma.com. Thelma Domenici is CEO of Thelma Domenici & Associates, offering contemporary social skills development programs to all ages.

Good manners are behind a gracious tip, and good manners never go out of style.